Once, in a therapy session, I asked what my therapist thought were my greatest failings. She declined to answer, as you can imagine. But I know what they are. My muddy boundaries are a real problem. And also, I don’t always stand up for my convictions. I think I would be happier if I were truer to them a little more often. Today in Concert Band, which is the class I was subbing for, I had a dickens of a time reigning in the middle schoolers and getting them to rehearse. But I think I won them over by the end, and it’s because I persisted in trying to prove to them that they should use the time given to them, that we should WANT to rehearse, not because Ms. Teacher told us to, or because it’s my job to boss them around, but because we want to get better at the musicianship and because the playing of THIS PIECE right in front of us is going to be fun, and exhilarating, and good for us, mind, body, and soul. I think there are a wealth of parallels from this experience.
First of all, the Middle School orchestra members are like us in mortality. We want to screw around, we want to buck against authority… we want to see how much we can get away with while the sub is there. We can’t stand someone else telling us what to do because we think we know better. All the while, we are squandering the opportunity for transcendence that’s right in front of us, which we could recognize if we could employ even just an ounce of humility. And the reward would be an hundredfold.
But then, it’s also important to remember that we’re just kids trying to figure out who we are, and this is the process whereby we do that. So it is befitting to exercise some patience, with ourselves and with everyone else involved.
I could have slogged through the class period and sort of given up on the kids. “Well, they don’t care…, why should I? They’re not going to listen anyway and this is just how Jr. high kids act… it’s reality. There’s nothing I can do about it.” But I decided to say what I felt was true, which was, paraphrasing, “Look guys. We are not going to waste rehearsal. We WANT to play this music because it’s going to make us better and because it’s a lot of fun. I’m going to keep trying to make you play, even though you’re being difficult. It’s for you, and your growth that you are here.” And even if the results didn’t yield 100%, I just feel way better knowing that I didn’t succumb to the chaos and give up. I acted in a way that was consistent to my values.
That’s what this blog is about: about growth and progress, about striving to meet divine potential, about not being ashamed of traditional moral values that actually did mean a lot to our forefathers. This blog has been created to help satiate my hunger for discussion about these things. If you, like me, feel this kind of hunger, then I hope you’ll find something here that will be of value to you.